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Disclaimer I:
Apparently, LSAC regulations dictate that I refrain from dispelling any details regarding Saturday’s hateful exam (crazy, right?), so I am limiting my discussion to generalities and I would advise those who post, if and when you do, to follow suit and do the same.

The Morning Before

For me, getting through the morning before the LSAT was the worst part of the exam. For those taking the LSAT in Pasadena, CA the weather decided to match the excitement and so it rained cats and dogs. Seriously, I could barely see the car in front of me swerving through the 110 freeway. And of course, since it was the day of the LSAT—the exam that made you give up dieting, facebooking, quitting smoking, The Big Bang Theory (or whatever inferior show it is that you watch); the exam that determines the rest of your life—everything felt personal, and a small part of me (maybe a big part of me) wanted to accidentally intentionally ram my Toyota into the side of the road and have an awesome excuse for missing the LSAT that I’d describe as a great tragedy in my addendum. Though I managed to squish the urge and arrive at the test center safe and sound, the raindrops felt uncannily like hail as I walked in, and everyone I saw looked infinitely smarter and taller, better looking and better prepared than me. By this time, I had to face the fact that I was nervous as hell and tell myself to get an effing grip.

All apologies to the bard, Edgar Allan Poe, for our trespasses.

Once upon an LSAT eve dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of Blueprint lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, reading comp my energy sapping,
I felt my brain gently crapping, crapping out like never before.
`What should I do,’ I wondered, `tonight as my eyes grow sore -
In order to secure my 174?’

Ah, distinctly I remember I wanted to take the test from December,
And review the one from September til sunlight shone upon the door
Logic Games they were my sorrow, and I thought that by the morrow
I could the knowledge borrow from these Blueprint books upon my floor
From the dense and sublime volumes strewn about my floor
In order to secure my 174.

Three years ago, I took the LSAT, and the memory stays with me like all the halcyon days of yore. Here’s a rundown of how I spent my time the weekend of the LSAT. As an added note, I took the test on the only day in the last eleven years that UCLA has defeated USC in football. A plan to take the LSAT every December has been proposed.

Disclaimer: This is mostly true. As it is a mostly-true story about my life, I recommend absolutely none of the actions taken by me.

Originally posted 12/04/09.

We’re less than 72 hours away from ¡THE BIGGEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE!, and one of the most important things to do is eat right on Saturday. And this is coming from a guy who eats M&Ms for breakfast everyday (in a bowl with milk, with a spoon), so believe me, I’m serious. You’re about to get a three-hour long brain humping courtesy of the good people of Newtown, PA, and you need to be on your feet. So not eating breakfast is really not an option. You want something that is going to stick with you, so granola and yogurt is probably a better option than Cap’n Crunch. Eggs are probably a good idea, hash browns maybe not so much. Coffee is obviously important, but be careful to not drink too much or you’ll have to constantly pee. I have a sort of nutty student with a Capri Sun-sized bladder who developed a system of “tea shots,” where she brews 2 ounces of extra strong tea so that she gets the caffeine without the liquid. I had another who swore by those 5-Hour Energy shots that you get in gas stations. The important thing is that you’re fully alert and energized for when section one begins, so plan out your morning consumption in advance.

So last week, Ginny wrote a fantastic post about not selling your soul to go to the highest ranked law school possible, after which a commenter mentioned that “It’d be nice if we could supplement this blog with the opinions of someone who chose the other route.” (Although I definitely suggest you read Ginny’s blog, the “other route” would be turning down scholarships to go to a higher ranked school with little or no money).

Suddenly, with speed that would make Usain Bolt jealous, I had an email from the MSS Big Dogs in my inbox. In a very touching show of faith, Jodi explained that she felt certain I had been offered money at a lower ranked school, and asked if I’d be willing to weigh in.

Five days left before the February LSAT! In other walks of life, lots can happen in such a time span. You can acquire mad bowling skills, build a poorly constructed hut out of palm fronds, and watch enough Lost to wish for Dharma peanut butter.

But what should you do for the LSAT in 5 days?

At this point in the process, your mind-set is far more important than learning new information. Maintaining your calm on test day so you can get points with what you know will yield better results than taking practice test after practice test. So in the words of Douglas Adams, Don’t Panic. The LSAT is getting close, yes. And that is stressful. But there are ways to manage the stress while continuing to study productively.

The second episode of The Deep End aired last night and whereas the premiere was so bad it was good, this week’s installment was merely mundane.

After watching the last week’s episode, I’d expected that the show might turn into a drinking game, in which after each legal error that a seven year-old could spot one took a shot (though one would probably have died of alcohol poisoning by the first commercial break). However, this week simply built on last week’s ridiculous assumptions and failed to add further hilarity.

The LSAT is a mere week away.  What does this mean for you?  Well, if you’re not taking it, then nothing.  But if you are, you’re probably freaking out a bit, regardless of how prepared you may be.  If you haven’t studied at all then you have good reason to be pissing yourself, because you’re probably going to get hosed.  So good luck on the guessing.  For everyone else: you’re ready, but your nerves are probably trying to sabotage any confidence you may have.  So let me lay out some rules for this final week to keep the demons at bay.

I’m not a patient man. I’m tyrannically intolerant of lateness, to the point of leaving a friend of mine momentarily stranded on her way to the airport because she was ten minutes late in being ready (eventually, I had an attack of conscience and turned back). When I’m on two-lane highways, and an 18 wheeler pulls out into the left lane to pass another 18 wheeler, I inevitably follow close behind and attempt to pass it on the right as soon as we clear the other truck. I once contemplated running down a sweet, old woman in a crosswalk simply because she wasn’t moving fast enough.

Today we will start with a matching game.

Three quotes:

1. “Money often costs too much.”
2. “It’s all about the Benjamins, Baby.”
3. “Stop flushing the damn toilet so often, you’re wasting money!”

Three speakers:

A. My Mom.
B. Diddy/P. Diddy/Puff Daddy/Sean Jean “Puffy” Combs.
C. Ralph Waldo Emerson.